Thoughts of life

People perceive different issues differently. Can someone always explain what he is thinking? We expect for a holiday at the time – when we can’t work any longer. Can we always get a real holiday?  Like my kid – every weekend she is unhappy – as I am not taking her to the beach. Every Friday afternoon she plans what she will do at the beach – building sand castle, playing with sand, looking at waves. I took her to many times to beaches – can it be possible – every weekend at the beach? Nearest beach is Durban (500 Km away from Pretoria). Can I find a place - looks like beach? This morning , I was thinking of "Sun City". It is costly, water is cold and sand is artificial like Dubai. I am planning - let's see -  

When I am out of work – I have always having a tensions of work. Will everything be working fine without me????  Everything works – whether faster or slower. Every targets are achieved - success or failure. But the tensions that also works – silently - deep inside ever since i came to know outside world. Days are passing good or bad. Stresses are pushing with the result - losing hair, raising fats. Sometime, we do not get what we wanted – that gives us pain and dissatisfaction. Most of the time, we get everything that we wanted – never gives us high satisfaction. We always plan and expect for the best result or favourable result. I believe most of the time we get that. In case if we do not get our favourable result – we become upset.
Whey people should be upset or surprised or happy? Life is something – which has only one test – one motive and one goal “ Do and do and do more to make you living”!!!

Midrand 4th Feb 2012

Busy day, tired mind

Sometime I feel tired – legs play tricks by not propelling me to move forward. Eyes become exhausted and rhythms of life turns into few deadbeats.  Or drowsiness overshadows the motion of life.
Today is one of those days I felt tired. It became difficult to think, write, watch or listen. I have many things to do before morning –study, proposal, assessment, programming or just think about past , present, future.
How can I avoid grogginess? I am not a machine. I travelled at least 10 thousand Km past 10 days by car. I had spoken thousands of words to achieve my goals and 100s of pages to make something happen.
I am living with these feelings inside for the past 30 years. I experienced the sense of sleepy blue tired – before realizing any other feelings.
It happened many times - my brain was playing with me while driving that i am not sleepy. but after woke up after the sound of car touching somewhere. I was lucky.

Sometime – I realize – I could achieve more if I could manage the feelings of fatigue. Or perhaps that is the core of our life.
 

An evening from distant past

It is a long time –I had no feelings for me. Or I do not have fun of enjoying inside me. These days – life is complete – with family, kids and friends. Dreaming of life like now in the mountain. I climb up the mountain and see the white and pure beauty and a reflection of light that makes crimson evening. I see everything is there – for me. Perhaps this is a reward of my hard-work of many years. Seems if the deepest sight of mind, sometime – still I remember the steps of ladder I climbed. Sometime a few lonely evening reminds me – the joy of alone in a wide sea of people.   

Sometime – I dream of that evening – I was seating in a cottage – opened laptop – could not set my mind to do anything. I went to cinema – could not like. I went to take some soup – the whole cup of soup was slipped off and made me wet in a dark cold evening. I was feeling cold; I was enjoying the cold in the dark mountain in my rented cottage.

I was alone in an isolated cottage for three days – with a large and wide view of a valley with patches of clouds at Shimla. It was a log cabin with patio and hitter. I passed last few days of December 2001 to see snow fall and enjoy cold and snowy days at Shimla.

After 11 years  and travelling many countries in the world – my heart goes back to that evening in cold, snowy log cabin – when I was looking at a pond of stars below and snowy peak of mountains looked semi-dark, pale but something stronger.

This must be a way to rescue myself. When I feel tiered – I just remember that evening – there is nothing can be as lonely as it was 11 years back. Today, I am trying to remember that evening – with lonely, darkish sky.

I have been living in Swaziland past 2 weeks fulltime. Thinking of the ways changes the operations and management of smooth transition of company into a more efficient company. Business is challenging, management has become much diversified. Focuses and specializations are changing day by day. Positioning of the company and USPs are also moving to different dimensions. Challenging time gives the managers seasoning opportunities to manage the odds.     

When global economic crisis is almost overcoming - economic crisis has just been started in Swaziland. The country is fainting serious economic crisis. Government has only 30% of earning to manage 100% of expenses. The luxury of the country has already gone. Protests and series of violence had already started. Our company revenue in Swaziland Operation has dropped by 40%. In this situation, business became difficult to operate. The necessary steps that we can take are:

1. Remove unnecessary expenses

2. Restructure the organization - try to provide more skill to the employee - so that one can handle more jobs.
3. Minimize the employee turnover - by socializing, managing group dynamics.
4. Communicate openly about the economic situation and our future steps.
5. Participate in the forums to discuss way to recovery.
6. Diversify the market to minimalize overall risk.​

Risk in the business sometime blocks the innovation. Or innovation comes up at the point of risk. I have been looking after the change and how to handle the situation.

Over 70 employees in the company may not be an issue in the global context. The crippled up economy may have huge impact on the overall performance of a small company.

Lifes and Limits

I suddenly, dropped a mail to a friend after 10 years. I told him that I will come one day for a few hours to work on sound, light and motions. Sometime - when i am having a long drive alone, I just think of lights and chances of motions and sound of memories. I feel to capture and I feel to live in creative space. It is almost 11 years - i never read a book or listen music or stand up to how sun sets or rise.
I am living a life which has limits. I can't do what my heart tells me to do. I can't portray mix of my feelings, because i am restricted my works and responsibility.
I know - i will never have a chance to think about creativity, to read a book or watch sun in the blue sky. I have to live my life in the limits that is not created by me. but it was created from my sense of responsibilities.
If you live your life in limits, people will like you, others will respect you or you will have a life - millions are living that way. perhaps you parents that life.
Life without limit gives to understand what you feel about. Like when were at teenage.
It is dangerous to have a life without limit. You may dream of a limitless life. but you can never feel it again - at least in my age.

Shopping

Shopping is not easy. I was browsing around for long time today. firstly, I was thinking of buying bricks for pavement – could not like anything . then I tried to find something to seat outside. Garden chairs and table – those are too basic design. Nothing was exceptional or beautiful. I was looking for sheds, couldn’t figure out – how will it look like.
It is always a bit difficult. I feel very bad of spending time in the shopping mall – when I clearly know that I can’t achieve anything there.

Bangladesh , Freedom fight and Pakistanis

I was watching a Bangla Drama about freedom fight of Bangladesh. I realized that we just forgot 3 million people were killed by Pakistanis, they raped young and innocent ladies of Bangladesh. They messed up the economy and destroyed the future.

I remember I was with a HC of Bangladesh, she was buying present for Pakistani HC of Pretoria. Diplomatic level, Bangladesh is always very close to Pakistan. Even PM Hasina was following Pakistani style of altering time of Bangladesh. How can we tolerate Pakistanis? Few years back, I used to know a few Pakistanis - they are absolutely different than any other nation. They are rough, rude, outlaw and most dangerous nation in the world. How can we tolerate them? How can we allow them to visit Bangladesh?

Now, many people wants the trail of Rajakers and war crimes - they are just targeting local Jamat and related parties. No one is ever saying about Pakistan. Why we are not saying against Pakistan?

War is bad -- we have already witnessed two recent war - Iraq and Afghanistan, 8 years back, i was chatting with one of American citizen, about the mistake they are making by allow troops to kill innocent Afgani people. She was very furious and saying - they invited the war. Afgani people attacked USA, so they are taking revenge. After many years, how this things are happening. Life is terrible, history is different.

40 years back when USA supported Pakistan to Kill 3 million Bangladeshis - which was a wrong decision. At least recent role of Pakistanis are showing the result of US support to Pakistan - never made them think towards decent thoughts.

Pakistanis should be punished - and they will be. Great expectation for those who killed our people - should see the justice. We should seek for justice both Rajakars and Pakistanis who killed people.